Don't sit down with the lights off!!

I make this proclamation for two different reasons, both pertaining to the toilet ... the first reason would be in reference to the night I staggered into my bathroom, and sat down without turning on the light. I immediately felt something brush up against "me" (yeah, obviously me refers to my ass, which is an anal-ogy (stop me) many people make on their own ass-umption anyways). I jumped up turning on the light to find a rat circling pathetically around the inside of the toilet bowl. He had come up through our plumbing from the house next door which was undergoing renovations. He's lucky he didn't scare the shit out of me, literally, and that I have empathy for all living creatures except cockroaches. "Ben" was captured and released that night into our back alley, but let's just say that was one ass tickling Jackie did not enjoy.

The second and most obvious reason to not sit down on a toilet seat in my house without close inspection, is I live with 4 males...2 of which are autistic, one who is potty training,...and one well, with bad aim. The toilet and surrounding 3 foot circumference are considered the fright zone. So when I actually consider running down to the local convenience store to use their bathroom, you know the term ungodly is an understatement.

The problem is primarily Cameron, the 9 year old. Unfortunately he tends to lose focus mere seconds into peeing...he begins to look around, turning his body as he does, acting as a wee (wee) sprinkler, literally. People have suggested toilet bowl targets, such as cheerios...umm, no thank you, and might I add eww. That's food to the boy, regardless of whether it is floating in a toilet bowl or a bowl of milk. We have also tried "task analysis", a step by step photographic aide to remind him of the proper steps; to help keep him focused. Let's just say I should have laminated it...as this plan literally ended up in the toilet.

Cam also enjoys "creative" and "controlled" peeing. He is creative when he does things like standing on the counter top and aiming for the toilet bowl across the bathroom...I tend to think most males may enjoy this challenge, but let's just say Cameron's aim is way off...Another "creative" moment was the day his teacher caught him peeing into the floor drain in the class bathroom...again, most boys may want that ultra cool experience, but my boy doesn't understand why it's inappropriate or have the wherewithal to boast about it to his peers.

My earlier reference to "controlled" peeing, well that's a whole different story, one strictly about sensory stimulation and control issues. Let me try and tell this in as an amusing fashion as possible, because when it happens, I seldom laugh. Cameron will come and sit beside you, or simply stand in the room in front of you...or my favorite, lay in the bed beside you...and you can actually see and/or feel him pushing, working for it, until he pees. I was unsuspectingly graced with a "golden shoulder shower" as my wake up call one recent day. Talk about a rude awakening, I definitely got up on the wrong side of the bed that day...mostly as to avoid the pee puddle! Frustration often tempts us to put him back in pull ups, but I cannot willfully and knowingly assist in the regression of a desired behavior: potty training...I can only hope this is a phase that will soon pass...whew, I think I'll save poop for another day. You're welcome!