I hate poop!

2 things I know, people love other people's misery...face the truth here, it makes us feel better about ourselves (which is why I am a totally awesome friend to have!!) The other thing people like is hearing about poop...I really don't know why this is, perhaps it's because it's the one thing we ALL have in common...Most parents have the luxury of knowing that eventually they will revert back to wiping only their own asses some day, hopefully right after potty training. Once again, I will point out that this is merely a poop pipe dream for me. Cameron still has no clue how to clean up after himself (as you will shortly see) and Harry is still in diapers (well, sometimes...and sometimes he's not...read on..). All of that being said, join me on this laughable (since it's not you), yet miserable, shitty journey!!

Poop Log/August 28, 2009: The youngest autie, Harry, just ripped off his diaper in my bedroom and took what can only be described as a 13 pound shit that closely resembled chocolate pudding in color and consistency (again, this is 50% of the kid's diet)...not odor though...then he proceeded to do his autistic jig through said pile of shit, tracking it in 2 perfect concentric circles on my carpet, ultimately landing his shitty ass on the couch in my room...where he no doubt stood back and appreciated his work; in that it is reminiscent of the infamous "crop circles"...only made of excrement (why can't he draw a circle with a crayon??). Before he did his poop covered entrance into the living room, he was kind enough to scratch his crap filled crack with his talon like fingernails...nice! I just fished steam cleaning my rug; my couch; my kid...It's 2 in the morning. What might you be doing? Oh, and since we finally have this not so gentle introduction to the giant pile of poop stories that comprise my life, let's "go" with it...

Poop Log/August 30, 2009: The scene, it ain't pretty...one of the worst I've seen in my many years on this grisly task force. To protect the feint and weak of heart and/or constitution, I will try to withhold the many graphic details of tonight's event. Let's just suffice it to say that as the other family members were sleeping in their beds safely unaware, Cameron was awake, and unattended at a very inopportune time. I, however, on this night in question, was the unfortunate soul with the weakest bladder...making me finder of what could only be described as a shit massacre in my bathroom. Imagine the worst case scenario if you will...did I mention that the boy needed an IMMEDIATE shower (as it was running down his legs...which of course was itchy, so he had to scratch...then his chest was apparently itchy, and then of course his arm...at least he didn't choose this night to put his fingers into an unsuspecting person's mouth...eww, silver lining??) So the frightful scene that I stumbled upon in my bathroom this fateful night extended all the way down the hall...around the corner right into the back room, where I made a second gruesome discovery...there was more than one perpetrator. This revelation came by way of my stepping in a puddle of dog piss. As I looked up to exclaim, "shit!", I saw more of it...2 more piles of it to be exact...compliments of Blitzen (love her!) I only wish I could call in crime scene clean-up to handle this ghastly ordeal, but alas, that too is me, soo...I need to go wash my hands again...I'd throw up too, but I think the poor toilet has already been victim enough tonight (not to mention, I've seen where that toilet has been!)

Well my friends, I will be "logging" off now...there will undoubtedly be further entries into my poop blah blah blog, quite possibly within the next 5 minutes when I get up and take a walk through the house...Enjoy!