Saint Me...

I often get told by my friends and family, hell, even strangers who learn of my life situation, that I am a saint; a champion; that there is a special place in heaven for me...often times I feel anxious to go and check that place out...sounds pretty frickin' nice...I bet it's quiet at least. Many of you have told me that you couldn't "do what I do"...those of you who are parents must surely realize there is no choice. Understand my staunch supporters, I play the hand I was dealt...like you, I would never choose this way of life for myself...most days, if only in my mind, I scream, and cry and feel completely selfish thoughts... I have said many times, if the front door is left open for longer than 3 seconds, I experience the "deer caught in the headlights" moment; where I envision myself running through that open door, as far and as fast as I can...shoe less, bra less, shit, I don't care; Run Jackie Run! Alas, I was raised to be a far more responsible person than to allow myself to be consumed by selfishness or self pity. Thanks Mom and Dad...I say this with both serious love and sarcasm!