Get the Puss Outta Here!!

I carry Clorox Wipes with me in a holster belt, and I'm a pretty quick draw, gotta be to survive in this here town. My love for bleach is so great, I'd drink it if I didn't know it would kill me...hmmm, (*Note to self: consider inventing tasty cocktail made from bleach...) anyway, as I was saying, my love for bleach is more than just a temporary fling; or brief affair, it's a lifelong commitment based on admiration and respect; a deep, unmitigated loyalty that will never falter. My affair with bleach began not when I found out how great it was for running fancy highlights through my hair, but when all 5 children in our house were diagnosed with MRSA Staph infections...yeah, it just keeps getting better at my house doesn't it??

Now many of you will recognize MRSA as the infection that shut down the Cleavland Brown's locker room; as well as being responsible for the recent deaths of several young high school athletes. It's nasty, scary shit...not by definition...by definition, it's called Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. It's a type of staph infection that is so bad ass, it resists just about every antibiotic known to man. MRSA staph is resistant to most disinfectants/antiseptics used in health care facilities to clean surfaces, sterilize instruments/equipment, and decontaminate skin. Which leads us to this staggering statistic: 58% of health care workers are said to be colonized with MRSA. This beast can survive on surfaces and fabrics; so think about the tables, counters, chairs, as well as the coats and smocks worn by healthcare providers; and even the privacy curtains in hospitals and doctor's offices, etc. (*Note to self: keep the kids the fuck away from emergency rooms, hospitals, and doctor's offices...see my story below). A person can carry MRSA without symptoms for weeks to years. MRSA typically presents as small red bumps that resemble pimples, insect bites, or boils and can be accompanied by fever and rashes. Within a couple of days these bumps become bigger, more painful, and eventually evolve into deep, puss filled boils. That's right gang...puss filled boils!! This type of staph spreads more rapidly & causes more severe illnesses than traditional staph infections...MRSA can affect the vital organs. It's unknown why some people develop MRSA skin infections that are treatable whereas others infected with the same strain develop severe infections or even die. There is a ton of other information regarding MRSA, but these are the things I want you to know before I present my personal tale of Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus...

Our saga began when Harry was 18 months old, and tromped on top of our arthritic old dog while she was peacefully sleeping. As she is resting in peace now, she not so peacefully nipped Harry's chubby cheek, leaving a small puncture. Just as a precaution, I took him to the nearest emergency room; where they cleaned the wound, adhered a simple butterfly closure, and exposed/infected him with MRSA. Within a week of our visit, Harry, who among a multitude of other issues, is afflicted with sensitive skin (eczema, rashes, now staph), appeared to have a big boil on his little booty. After seeing it get larger overnight and him getting progressively cranky, we took him to the pediatrician. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Shannon, then 3 yrs old, also started developing a suspicious red spot on her posterior too. Both of my babies were admitted into the infectious disease unit at All Children's Hospital that night, diagnosis...MRSA.

Ahh, good times. It was Halloween, so they really enjoyed being quarantined for almost 2 weeks, instead of dressing up in their costumes and going to parties, trick or treating, eating candy...but they did get to look through the window as other non-toxic children paraded through the halls in THEIR costumes (*Note to self: don't let children who are hospitalized watch other children having fun through a window, just not that wise of a decision, come to find out)...However, the real Halloween horror began when the infectious disease team entered the room, donned in their paper scrubs and rubber gloves, looking like something out of a science fiction movie (think E.T. at the end). As if that weren't frightening enough for these 2 small people who had never seen anything the likes, this masked team of infectious avengers then proceeded to physically torture my kids, by rolling them over and "lancing" the infected area (a.k.a. squeezing all of the nasty puss out of their tiny butts). Their cries truly rivaled that of any horror flick ever made. The team of unknown faces came in to perform this dreaded task for several days, until they could squeeze not one more drop of poison from their wee bodies. So that was fun, in the most physically and emotionally "draining" way; coupled with IV's, constant temperature taking, administration of the most foul tasting medicine known to man (like when the expression "eat shit" actually sounds preferable, if not desirable), hospital food, and trying to entertain 2 little children for nearly 2 weeks outside of their natural environment (and might I add with no cable..). That was the worst vacation I never had...and of course I had to burn the t-shirt as it was surely covered in MRSA...

To close out this "short story", we came home from the hospital to find the other 3 kids (Cameron, Gianna and Georgie) all with...suspicious red bumps...that turned into...nasty puss filled boils...yeah, I know...it just keeps on keepin' on...Naturally we immediately contacted the doctors, and were fortunate enough to have caught it early on with the other 3 that there was no hospitalization needed (just shit medicine and lancing in the comfort of our own home). Now we are a well oiled bunch of MRSA fighting machines...When the kids do experience a MRSA outbreak (which thankfully is rare, if ever anymore), we know how to detect and quickly diffuse the infection. I guess in a small way it's a blessing that we know that our kids have it, and what to do about it to prevent them from ever getting really sick from it, as unfortunately those parents of the young athlete infected with this type of Staph were not as lucky. Sadly, they were unaware of what was even wrong with their boy; it quickly affected his organs, ultimately killing him. So I say fill up the bleach bath (yes, it was recommended by the infectious disease team: 1/4 cup of regular bleach in the bath water, once a week, does the body good - EVERYBODY!!), break out the drawing salve, and let's get the puss outta here!